Trilogy Time 2015 and Beyond
by Corrupt200
Summary: Marshall, Barney, and Ted continue their tradition of watching the original 3 Star Wars movies from where we left off in 2015. The final scene will be in 2030 or 2033. Since 24 is divisible by 3 and the tradition started in 2000, there will be scenes in 2024 (Tracy's year of death). Pre-2024 scenes will be canon to what happened in the series. NB Post-2024 is gonna be pro-Mobatsky.
1. 2015

Trilogy Time 2015 and Beyond

Marshall and Lilly's Apartment (the one above MacLarens)

Barney, Marshall are seated on the sofa. Ted is seated on the chair with baby Penny.

BARNEY: I still can't believe you brought a chick to this event.

TED: She's just a baby. Aside from Tracy, she is the love of my life. Aren't you, my little pweshus lucky Penny?

BARNEY: Oh God! Marshall didn't bring Marv or Daisy with him! What's wrong with you? (Actually, bringing Marv Jr. is okay. You may bring Marv in 2018, Marshall.)

MARSHALL: I'll think about it. And, Ted, you're welcome to bring Penny in 2018 or any other time in the future.

BARNEY: Thought you were gonna name her Leia!

TED: I had to compromise with Tracy a little bit. Plus I think about that incident with the 1930s Abe Lincoln engraving and how it affected the course of my history.

BARNEY: You mean the time I could not move my legs and was stranded in that subway train?

TED: Yep. But, I didn't exactly back out of name her Leia altogether. Can you guess what her middle name is?

MARSHALL: [pauses] Oh! [pauses] So, Barney, you lucky dog you! Travelling all over the globe with Robin and seeing all those exotic places.

BARNEY: It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great….

MARSHALL: Barney, we've been your friends for over 10 years. We know something is wrong when you reiterate that white lie over and over like an Energizer Bunny.

BARNEY: It's exciting to be with Robin, but the travelling is getting too much for. Once or twice going to another country is fine, but 142 times in a year is too much! I am spending 83% of my time outside New York. I have spent more time suiting down than suiting up and it's not for sex.

TED: We can all thank the 9/11 terrorists for that.

BARNEY: This was one of those few times, I was in New York, so I had to take advantage of Trilogy Time now before the ball drops.

MARSHALL: Look, Barney, everyone's travel bug gets killed at some point. After we returned from Italy, Lily and I decided not to do any major international travelling until Marv and Daisy are a little older. Even then, we just plan to do a week or two of sightseeing in Europe whenever we have a chance to splurge.

TED: Well, you and Lily will come to France, when Tracy and I get married.

MARSHALL: Definitely. [to Barney] Give it 3 years. Robin will get tired of all that international travel by then.

End of Act 1.


	2. Fantasy 2018

Fantasy 2018.

Marshall and Lily's Apartment. Ted and Marshall are seated on the couch. Marshall has a mustache. Ted has a wedding band on his left index finger.

TED: So things didn't change much for us. Just like I predicted 3 years ago.

MARSHALL: Yeah, no change. I'm still stuck in my corporate job. I sometimes wonder if going to Rome was a mistake.

TED: That was not a mistake. You now speak Italian fluently. And I speak Italian fluently, so we can talk trash about Barney in front of him.

MARSHALL: I wish another judgeship position would open. I'm tired of being assailed with egg salad.

TED: It will, Marshall. Patience is a virtue. In 3 more years, your legal career will be awesome!

Enter Barney with Robin from the kitchen. Robin is exiting.

ROBIN: Whoa! Barney! 5 years, and you're still so articulate. You were right about me settling.

BARNEY: Being an international correspondent was legendary, but there is always a limit. Now that you're an anchor, we're back to spending 83% of our time in New York. I love you.

ROBIN: [chuckling] You're an idiot. [kisses Barney then exits]

BARNEY: And we're still seeing a lot of her. In fact we've been seeing a lot of her since 2005. Some more than others. [to Ted] So you decided not to bring Penny this time?

TED: She and Tracy wanted some mother daughter time together. I was hoping to have a son by now, but a French castle was available, so Tracy and I decided to control our hormones.

MARSHALL: Good call. The two of you living in sin and having a bastard child. At least your second kid will be born in wedlock.

TED: You and Lily lived in sin before 2007.

MARSHALL: But we did not have bastard children.

TED: Don't call my lucky Penny a bastard!

BARNEY: It's a good thing Robin can't have kids. I never have to worry about being a dad. 2021 is gonna be legen-wait for it-dary!

Enter Lily. She is pregnant and is walking with 6 year old Marvin Jr. and 4-year old Daisy.

LILY: Marshmallow, Marv wants to stay and watch Star Wars with you guys.

MARVIN: Dad, may I?

MARSHALL: Sure, son. Have a seat between me and Uncle Ted. [to Lily] Stay safe. Have a good time at the Met.

TED: Should I start the first Star Wars movie!

BARNEY: Yes! Time is ticking!

End of Act 2


	3. 2018 (For Real)

2018 (for real)

Barney's bachelor pad. Ted and Marshall are sitting on Barney's couch. Marshall still does not have a mustache. Ted still does not wear a wedding band on his finger. Next to each of them is an infant stroller.

TED: Looking inside Marshall Junior's stroller. Oh I think little Marshall likes me.

MARSHALL: [looking inside Luke's stroller, smiling] Aww, what a cute little bastard.

TED: Hey! That's my son you're talking about! Don't call Lucas that again!

MARSHALL: Well you and Tracy are still not married, so that's what he is!

TED: Yeah, but don't call him that!

Enter Barney.

BARNEY: Hey, guys! Come to the bedroom! I want you to meet someone.

Ted and Marshall head to Barney's bedroom. Sitting in Barney's bed is a 24-26 year old slim white brunette with a gray tanktop and black bikini brief panties.

MARSHALL: For God's sake Barn! She's naked!

BARNEY: Umm, not naked! Can you see her cat? (but he didn't say 'cat')

TED: He's right Marsh.

BARNEY: Guys, I want you to meet Sara. We'll be seeing a lot of her. [Pulls on vase-disguised lever on the dresser]

Barney's bed slides back into the wall with Sara on it. A new bed pops up from the floor.

BARNEY: …and we never saw her again. WHAZAAAA!

MARSHALL: Two years divorced and we get the old Barney back…whoopee! You're lucky I didn't bring my gavel!

TED: Oh yeah! Judge Fudge's new weapon!

MARSHALL: I ought to bang your head too, Ted. When the hell are you gonna marry Tracy and stop living in sin?

TED: The next time a French castle becomes available.

MARSHALL: A French castle will never be available! For God's sake, why don't you two just get married in a church, like the rest of the world? Stop being an idealist!

BARNEY: Yeah, why don't you Ted?

MARSHALL: [at Barney] And you are no way better. It's terrible that your marriage failed and ended in divorce. Seeing Robin these days is as impossible as finding a Sasquatch.

BARNEY: Like I said a million times, it wasn't a failed marriage. It was a _successful _marriage that only lasted 3 years! I learned a lot from the marriage. The most important thing I learned is that Barney Stinson is incapable of commitment to any female, period. And that is never going to change.

TED: Not even your own daughter?

BARNEY: First of all I don't have kids. Plus, like Robin, I don't even want to have kids.

MARSHALL: With your player lifestyle, you're sure to knock someone up someday.

BARNEY: That will never happen. I always use top quality condoms. I also make sure the girl is on the pill. I have nothing to worry about! And if something happened, I'd do the honorable thing and pay for her abortion. Now come on guys, let's put in Star Wars. And I hope those Ewoks don't cry!

TED: Ewoks crying?

MARSHALL: He means Marshall Jr. and Luke. Let's go, I missed watching the trilogy on his TV wall.

End of Act 3


	4. Fantasy 2021

Fantasy 2021.

Ted and Tracy's home, Westchester. Ted and Tracy are dressed in French monarch garb.

TED: [drawing on his archtecture table] How's that new book coming, Queen Tracina? [uses fake British accent]

TRACY: [with fake British accent] It's going great, King Theodorus. This book will definitely help put an end to poverty. We must help those poor bourgeoisie.

TED: You are such a kindhearted queen. That's why I married you.

TRACY: And you have the heart of a lion. [they kiss]

Enter Marshall and Lily. Marshall is wearing a judge's robe and a wig, like the British or Commonwealth lawyers do. He sports a mustache. Lily is wearing a long black ankle length evening gown. She is pregnant again. She holds in her right hand those specs-on-a-stick

MARSHALL: [with fake British accent] Order! Order!

TRACY: Gotten to your head, hasn't it Fudge Supreme?

MARSHALL: Kind of like your wedding in that _château français_!

LILY: Their honeymoon hasn't ended yet, kind of like ours, your honorable Marshamallow Supreme.

TED: We will not evacuate our castle. [to Tracy with fake French accent] Kiss me my dear, and I will reveal my croissant! I will spread your pâté!

TRACY: Ooh, how about tonight?

TED: Mais oui, ma vie en rose!

LILY: [with fake British] I have another painting of mine displayed in the Louvre! And tonight, we're going to the Met to see La Boheme. We'd like you two to come with us for a double date!

MARSHALL: But don't forget to sample my Gouda!

Enter Barney suited up with 3 young women in their mid-20s. The first woman has two breasts in the front. The second woman has four breasts up front. The third one has 4 boobs up front and 6 in the back.

BARNEY: Fellows, I'd like you to meet Meghan, Courtney, and Alyssa. You'll be seeing a lot of them. [Escorts them to front door and closes door beind them] And they never heard from them again! WAAZAA! No wife, no kids. Man, the Clooney years rock!

TRACY: I hope you didn't do it in Penny's room!

BARNEY: Of course not, her bed is too small! We used the guest room.

TED: Trace, we gotta sanitize that bed before Mom and Clint visit next time…hmm, maybe not.

BARNEY: Guys, check this out! [Pulls out book using magic] This is Playbook 3! Because of the successes of the Perfect Week and the Perfect Month, I am now gonna execute the perfect year. 365 days of sexual pleasure! It's gonna be legen-wait-for-it-dary!

MARSHALL: Oh God! Has Jim Nantz approved this.

BARNEY: Thoroughly. My only regret, though, is that I did not plan this in the beginning of last year. Then I could have had a perfect 366 days! Take a leap!

Enter Robin with a 24 year old.

TED: Robin! A rare Scherbatsky sighting! Who's the dude?

ROBIN: As you know, I had been reporting from Sydney, Perth, and Melbourne during my last assignment. I met this rock star, Nick Summerthorpe. He's Australia's biggest export, kinda like the Rick Springfield of the 2020s.

MARSHALL: That's great.

ROBIN: I had no idea 24 year-old Aussies were so well endowed. Well I gotta go, I need to test the microphone, if you know what I mean! Cougar life rocks!

Exit Robin and Nick.

LILY: [with a tear running down her cheek] When will we see her again? It's like finding sasquatch.

End of Act 4.


	5. 2021 (For Real)

2021 (for real)

Ted and Tracy's Living Room, Westchester.

Ted and Tracy are setting up the coffee table with snacks, hors d'oeuvres, and drinks. We can see a wedding band on Ted's finger and a wedding ring on Tracy's.

TED: Thanks for helping me set up, Trace, even though it's an all-guy thing.

TRACY: Oh anytime, Teddy Bear! I'll gladly help again in 2024, 2027, 2030, 2033, and so forth.

TED: I am so lucky to be married to someone like you.

TRACY: I'm so lucky to be married to someone like you. I thought I'd never find true love again after Max's death.

TED: It's funny how we find things…

TRACY: No, really…[they kiss]

TED: I still wish we could have done the ceremony in a French castle.

TRACY: Maybe we could renew our vows at one a few years from now.

Enter 4 year old Luke and 6 year old Penny.

TED: Hey, Lucas! Ready to watch Star Wars with Uncle Marshall, Uncle Barney and your old man?

LUKE: Yay!

TED: Yay! [Kneels down to give his son a high five]

TRACY: Penny, ready to have a good time with me, Aunt Cindy, Aunt Casey and Becky?

PENNY: Yay, Mom! Mom?

TRACY: Yes, sweetie?

PENNY: Why does Becky have two moms?

TRACY: It's a long story.

PENNY: How long?

TRACY: I'll tell you when you are 12 years old. And don't ask this question to Aunt Cindy or Aunt Casey.

PENNY: Ok.

TED: Okay, girls, stay safe. It might rain, so don't forget the umbrella.

Tracy grabs yellow umbrella. She and Penny exit.

Enter Marshall _without_ a mustache.

TED: Hey Marshall.

MARSHALL: Hey Ted. Hey Luke.

LUKE: Hi Uncle Marshall.

TED: Barney is on his way. He is a little delayed because he's bringing a chick for the first time. And to think he made fun of me 6 years ago.

MARSHALL: He can't help it. She's the love of his life.

Enter Barney with stroller, a box of diapers, baby wipes, a yellow protective suit, a box of rubber gloves, and a gas mask.

TED: Barney, what's with all the heavy duty equipment?

BARNEY: You have to be very cautious in the affair of changing diapers. I don't want to do it, but I will. But it doesn't mean I will touch that stuff with my bare hand, and I won't let that stuff stain my suit. As for the gas mask, I won't let the stench stimulate my gag reflex and make an even bigger mess!

MARSHALL: [looking down at Ellie's stroller] Aww, she's such a cute little bastard.

TED: Oh for God's sake stop saying that! Lucas is here.

MARSHALL: Hey, Lukie. Uncle Marshall is talking big people talk! You didn't hear that!

Luke nods in awe.

MARSHALL: Here's $20. [hands bill to Luke]

BARNEY: Is that how you got the seat, Fudge Supreme?

MARSHALL: Hey don't you start!

TED: Guys! Guys! Guys! Calm down.

LUKE: Uncle Barney, may I hold Ellie?

BARNEY: I don't know. I don't want you to drop her.

TED: Let him hold her for a few minutes. We'll take extra precautions. Lucas have a seat on the sofa.

Luke sits on sofa. Marshall sits next to Luke to keep watch.

Barney grabs Ellie from stroller and places her in Luke's arms and lap. Ted grabs a camera and photographs it.

LUKE: [looking at Ellie] She's adorable. [Ellie extends arm to Luke] Hey, I think she likes me!

MARSHALL: She sure does, kiddo.

BARNEY: Okay, time's up. [places Ellie back in crib] And that's what you want to avoid in life, Ellie-kins!

TED: So no more girl chasing, Barn?

BARNEY: Nah, too tired. Oh cover your ears, Luke. Sometimes, when I send Ellie over to #31 for her visitation time, we get it on, but usually she says, "If that thing comes in me again, I will kill you!" These days, I'm just too tired and sleepy for it. I know I'm not married to her anymore, but have you guys heard from Robin lately?

MARSHALL: She kind of disappeared again immediately after the wedding last year. Didn't stay long during the reception. She tried to be happy, but I could see it in her face.

TED: She knew that our 40 pact was over.

BARNEY: What 40 pact?

TED: Well, back in the 2010's we made a pact that if both of us were single after age 40, we'd get married. But when I married Tracy, that pact flew out the window. She must have realized that she was 40 and alone. I just run into her about a week back and she was crying. Her 24-year old rocker boyfriend dumped her 4 months ago, the 10th of a series of breakups by dudes born in the 1990s to early 2000s. I tried to tell her that that life of a cougar may seem cool, but in the end all these dudes want someone young and fertile. She suddenly realized that she was going to be alone and she got scared.

MARSHALL: So what did she do?

BARNEY: So what's the scoop?

TED: She is trying to have a kid. She's been trying hormone treatments to no avail. She asked me to be a surrogate dad, but it felt awkward for me. Also given her age and everything, the hormone treatments were unsuccessful. She tried adoption agencies. Domestic adoption agencies are uncooperative since she's overseas a lot. Canadian adoption agencies are uncooperative, because she lives in the US. Second and third world countries, even Commonwealth nations, are also uncooperative because she is unmarried and travels internationally frequently. Jesus Christ! Why doesn't she come to her senses and take the anchor position the network is offering her? She's nothing but a tragedy queen! All this traveling is basically a way for her to keep running away from her problems, i.e. her loneliness.

MARSHALL: I know you care about her happiness, but don't get too wound up about Robin. You are now with a wonderful accomplished woman who loves you for your quirkiness without any inhibitions except for when she misses her first fiancé. The wedding last year was beautiful.

TED: I just wish we could have done the French castle.

MARSHALL: In a few years, you two could renew your vows at one. It's never too late. As for Robin, I'm sure she'll find her inner peace and the love of her life, the way Barney did. 2024 is going to be awesome.

TED: You're right Marsh. Let's watch Star Wars.

BARNEY: [to stroller] And Ellie, Han shot first!

End of Act 5.


	6. Fantasy 2024

Fantasy 2024.

Stockholms Konserthus, Stockholm, Sweden, October, 2024.

ROBIN: [with microphone] I am Robin Scherbatsky reporting live from the Stockholms Konserthus where the Nobel Prize in economics has just been awarded to American Tracy McConnell Mosby. A graduate of Columbia University, she has spent over 14 years researching ways to end poverty in both developed and developing countries. Her methods have already been applied in countries like India, Bangladesh, and Botswana, and the results have been outstanding. At 40 years old, she is among the youngest to receive this most prestigious award…

Enter Ted and Tracy. Ted is wearing a black tuxedo, a top hat, and a monocle. Tracy is wearing a black ankle length evening gown. Her hair if fixed to the style of one of Audrey Hepburn's hairdos. Penny and and Luke are there too wearing a flower dress and a black suit respectively.

TED: [with fake British accent] Oh Tracy my darling! I am so proud of you.

TRACY: [with fake British accent] Thank you my darling. I only wish we cold have shared it like we share everything!

TED: But I'm not an economist; I'm an architect! And they don't give Nobel Prizes n that field of work, damn it.

TRACY: If they did, you'd have won, darling. [kisses his lips]

TED: Well I've got a Nobel Prize we can share tonight…it's in my pants!

TRACY: Ooh I can't wait.

Enter Marshall and Lily. Marshall is also wearing a tuxedo. He is sporting a moustache which is curled at the ends. He wears 18th century glasses similar to Ben Franklin's. Lily is donning a navy blue evening gown and a diamond necklace. She is pregnant again. Marvin Jr. and Marshall Jr. are there too in suits. Daisy in a pink dress.

MARSHALL: [with a mid-Atlantic accent, i.e. Frasier's or Niles' accent] Tracy! Congratulations!

TRACY: And a hearty congratulations to you too. Ted and I are so looking forward to seeing you get honored in Oslo on Friday.

Enter Barney with a 4-year old Ellie. Barney is in a gray suit. Ellie is a pink flower dress holding Barney's hand.

BARNEY: I keep wondering what Marshall did that was so peaceful. And this is coming from someone who endured 9 hard painful life-threatening slaps, including the one before we saw the video of the Canadian Deborah Gibson wannabe.

MARSHALL: Let's put it this way. As a judge who did practice environmental law for a while, I found more inconvenient truths than Al Gore ever did.

ELLIE: Aunt Lily, which number baby will this be?

LILY: This will be baby 83.

MARSHALL: We are that good.

BARNEY: Ellie is totally amazing. Just two days in this country, and she is picking up the Swedish language very quickly. Show Uncle Marshall what you've learned.

ELLIE: God dag, Onkel Marshall. Jag heter Elinor. Hur mår du? (English translation: Good day, Uncle Marshall. My name is Elinor. How are you?)

TED: That's amazing. Marshall, how is it that she knows more Swedish than you?

MARSHALL: My background is Norwegian.

BARNEY: Ach, same thing. You should be proud of your heritage.

MARSHALL: I am more proud of it than you are of your Canadian heritage.

BARNEY: [scoffs] That's not a real country!

ELLIE: [singingi] O Canada, our home and native land…

BARNEY: Forgot to mention she is musically talented! No Ellie, you must only sing "The Star Spangled Banner"!

Enter Robin.

ROBIN: She's more proud of her 1/8 heritage than Dad is of his ¼! Hello, Barney! [they exchange hugs]

She later exchanges hugs with rest of the gang.

ROBIN: Its amazing that not one, but two close friends of my are getting Nobel Prizes. Congratulations, Tracy! And, Marshall, I cannot wait to report on you from Oslo on Friday!

TRACY: Thank you Robin.

MARSHALL: Thanks, Robin.

TED: Then on Sunday, it's off to France, for Tracy and I to renew our wedding vows! I can't wait to see you all there.

TRACY: I'm so excited! We got the works…The white horse carriage, the hot air balloon…it's gonna be legen-wait for it-dary!

BARNEY: Copying my catchphrases these days, Tracy?

TRACY: Yours are the best.

TED: I got my king costume, Tracy's got her queen costume. Our parents and Clint will be in France on Saturday. I've even prince and princess costumes for the kids to wear. It's gonna amazing. I can't wait to see you there, Robin. We all miss you. We're so glad you could make it.

ROBIN: Oh and I have a big surprise for you all. I got tapped for the full time anchor position in New York. The international travel is taking a toll on me, so I decided to take the anchor position, so that I can travel less.

LILY: Your travel bug is cured. Aww!

TED: How are you feeling with that biological clock thing? A lot better than in 2021.

ROBIN: A lot better than I do now. I guess I was just paranoid about being in my 40s and alone. I'm so sorry I tried to impose that sperm donor thing on you, a married man, when I was getting hormone treatments. I hope you and Tracy can forgive me. Imagine me! A mom! Ha! I can't even imagine myself as a stepmom. I'd probably be like the ones in Snow White or Cinderella.

MARSHALL: I thought the Wicked Queen was kinda cute when my mom took me to see Snow White in 1987.

BARNEY: Who are you? Woody Allen?

ROBIN: [breaking 4th barrier] See the friends I made when I immigrated to the States?

LILY: You should definitely come to hang out with us when we return to the States.

ROBIN: I sure will.

TED: Oh Marshall, Barney. Don't forget. On Friday, in Oslo, after Marshall gets his Peace Prize, the three of us are watching the Star Wars trilogy. I have all three movies on my portable movie device (which also works in Europe).

MARSHALL and BARNEY: Hell yeah!

Flashforward to Sunday, Random castle in France

Tracy and Ted are taking off in a hot air balloon having concluded the renewal of their wedding vows. They are wearing King and Queen garb. The gang including Tracy's parents, Ted's parents, Clint, Luke, and Penny wave goodbye.

PENNY: Bye Mom, bye Dad!

LUKE: See you in a few hours! Take lots of pictures!

BARNEY: That was legen-wait for it-dary! Ellie, wave goodbye to Uncle Ted and Aunt Tracy. [Ellie waves]

MARSHALL: Great ceremony! You're quite the dreamer Ted! Don't quit dreaming, ever!

LILY: [in tears] Aww!

Cut to balloon basket.

TRACY: We pulled it off!

TED: We sure did. I am so lucky to be married to the most beautiful, educated, accomplished, and caring woman in the world. And we got 2 beautiful kids, whom I wouldn't trade for the world.

TRACY: You're not so bad yourself.

TED: I love you Tracy McConnell Mosby. I want us to be together for a long time.

TRACY: We will. Nothing will ever separate us. I love you , Theodore Evelyn Mosby.

They embrace each other and kiss.

End of Act 6.


	7. 2024 (For Real)

2024 (For Real)

_Get your Kleenex handy. (Actually, Kleenex is just the brand.) Hopefully I get this chapter to "Love Story" or "Terms of Endearment" caliber. The movies that have made grown men cry, regardless of their sexual orientation._

A Friday evening in October, 2024. Ted and Tracy's living room, Westchester. One week after Tracy's funeral.

Ted is sitting on the sofa sobbing. He is hold 4 pieces of paper in his left hand. Marshall (sans moustache) and Barney are sitting on opposite sides of him. 4-year old Ellie is seated next to Barney

MARSHALL: [in tears and sobbing] That's was even more beautiful that the death letter I wrote for Lily!

TED: [sobbing] She even left beautiful pictures, kind of like the one you hope Lily will have left for you if she goes first.

MARSHALL: May we see them?

TED: They're along the line of paintings from the Rennaisance period, if you get what I'm saying. (pronounced rehn-NAY-sahns)

MARSHALL: Oh, I get it.

ELLIE: [with a look of innocence and naiveté] Uncle Ted, when is Aunt Tracy coming back?

TED: [sobbing] Ellie…[sobs] Aunt T-t-tracy…[sobs]

BARNEY: Ellie, sweetheart, [sniffles] What Uncle Ted is trying to tell you is that Aunt Tracy is with the angels. God has sent for her. And we are never going to see her again. [more tears run down his cheeks] I'm not crying!

ELLIE: Oh no! [starts crying on Barney's shoulder]

BARNEY: Just one second, princess. [takes off jacket, shirt, and tie, leaving only his T-shirt] Okay, go ahead! [they resume crying]

TED: She was supposed to get the Nobel Prize in economics this month. Now that's never going to happen.

MARSHALL: They will still consider her.

TED: [sniffling] Oh Marshall, you are so naïve! The Nobel Prize is never awarded posthumously. And it sucks. She was going to use that money to set up new organizations aimed at ending poverty in third world nations.

MARSHALL: Oh my God! I have got to publish my inconvenient truths! Al Gore, eat your heart out. Thanks for the wake-up call, Ted.

TED: Anytime, Marsh.

BARNEY: And she still had plans to publish more books on ending poverty…

TED: And now her voice is silenced…why does God do bad things to good people? To prove a point to Satan? That Billy Joel song was right…only the good die young young…and 40 is too young!

BARNEY: Come here. [hugs Ted; Ted cries on Barney's shoulder]

TED: [still sobbing] I spent 8 long and difficult years trying to find Ms. Right just to have her taken away from me at age 40? And as for her, she spent so many years getting over the loss of her fiancé to find love and happiness all over again just to be afflicted with a life-threatening disease! That's not fair!

BARNEY: There, there…

TED: And we never got around to renewing our vows in a French castle…

MARSHALL: What you need is a cup of warm milk. Great calming agent. Did wonders for little Marvin, Daisy, and little Marshall when they were younger.

BARNEY: Does wonders for Ellie too.

Ted and Marshall go into the kitchen. Marshall sets a sauce pan on the stove. Ted opens the refrigerator and grabs a carton of milk. But what he opens the carton and tries to pour the milk, he notices that the carton is empty.

TED: ROOOOOOOBIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!

Enter Robin.

ROBIN: Ted, what is it?

TED: HOW CAN YOU BE SO INSENSITIVE?! [throws the carton at her]

ROBIN: Theodore Evelyn Mosby! What did you do that for?

TED: If you can't dispose the milk cartons when they are empty, then you can just get the fudge out of here! I don't need you heartless grinch! (he didn't say 'fudge' or 'grinch')

ROBIN: You are so ungrateful! [crying] I took 2 months leave from the bottom of my heart, because I knew my best friend needed help. You know how much I liked Tracy, and how fond I've become of Penny and Lucas. And you call me a Grinch? That is not fair! And you are not the Ted I have grown to know and like over the course of 19 years! [pauses and sniffing] How would Tracy have handled this?

TED: [quietly] After throwing the carton in the recycling bin, she'd have put a reminder on her smartphone to buy more milk. Or she'd have left a little love note reading: "Dear Teddy Bear, Please pick up some milk on your way home from work. Love Always, Twacie-kins" And there'd always be a heart on it. I'm sorry Robin. I'm really happy that you're staying here for two months.

ROBIN: [beckoning Ted] Come here, I know you're unhappy and that you didn't mean to call me that or assail me with the carton.

[They hug each other and cry]

TED: I always thought that she'd be the one burying me. Not the other way around. Or even if it happened, it'd be in the mid to late 2060s.

ROBIN: I know I've not been around too much. I was really jealous when I saw you and Tracy happy together. And I am so sorry about that time I asked you to be a sperm donor when I was experimenting with hormone treatments to get myself pregnant. But that was 3 years ago. I'm here now, and I'll do anything to help you and the kids. I'll love them like they're my own.

TED: [sobbing] I'm so happy that you are here, Robin.

ROBIN: I'll be there for you, Ted. As long as you need me. Let's make some of those herbal Teavana tea. They have a lot of calming agents.

A few minutes later. Marshall, Barney, Robin and Ted are seated on the couch. Ellie is in her pajamas and sleeping in Barney's lap. All are sipping herbal tea and calmed down.

MARSHALL: I know a way to carry out Tracy's dreams. They don't have to die with her. I looked at her death letter. She gave the password to her computer account. She has a lot of drafts for future books. Are there still any econ professors at Columbia who remember and liked Tracy?

TED: A couple of them. Also, Cindy is a professor at NYU now.

MARSHALL: We can get them to organize her drafts and notes to make several posthumous books about ways to end poverty, with Tracy as a first author. I could draw up some legal documents and contracts to make sure the professors don't capitalize on her misfortune.

ROBIN: That's a wonderful idea. Don't you think, Ted?

TED: Definitely.

BARNEY: Those books will be instant bestsellers; I can bet on it. And one more thing I suggested. All the profits from her books, pre and posthumous, after taxes and some financial support to your kids, should go to charity and educational purposes. Just like Paul Newman with his salad dressing.

TED: Terrific.

Enter Penny and Luke.

PENNY: Daddy I can't sleep.

LUKE: Me neither.

Penny sits on Ted's lap. Luke sits on Robin's lap.

PENNY: [crying] I miss Mommy.

LUKE: [crying] Me too. I miss her singing to us at night.

[Everything but the Girl version of "Downtown Train" play in background]

TED: [_sort of quoting that very dirty comedian when he was on Full House_] I know how much you kids miss your mom. Because I miss her too. Very much. But you still have me.

MARSHALL: And me.

BARNEY: And me.

ROBIN: And me.

TED: We have a long history together kids. Nine years for you Penny, seven for you Luke. Those have been the best years of our lives. The time I spent with Mommy was 11 wonderful years.

ROBIN: I have been so blessed to have Daddy for a friend for 19 years.

MARSHALL: 28 for me and Aunt Lily.

BARNEY: 23 for me. We love you like our own family. In fact, we are family.

TED: We are more than just friends. We are family. Marshall and Barney are like the brothers I always wanted but never had, and Lily is like a big sister to me. Robin…I'm still trying to figure out what she's like to me, well we have had a wonderful history together, and she is the best thing that came out of Canada with the possible exceptions of Michael J. Fox and Bryan Adams. We'll all be there for you. Aunt Robin will be staying with us for two months to help us out. And the university gave me sabbatical for 1 year. We will get through this together. And Mommy will always be there in our hearts.

PENNY: I love you, Daddy.

LUKE: I love you, Dad.

TED: I love you too my angels.

[background music ends]

PENNY: Daddy, could you sing us La Vie en Rose?

TED: I'm not as good as Mom was. But I think I know someone who knows the song. Robin, did you learn that song during any of your compulsory French classes back in Vancouver?

ROBIN: Unfortunately, not. Didn't even watch _Sabrina _enough. But I think I know one song that will really lighten up the mood. [hugging Luke and singing slowly] Two beavers are better than one, twice the fun…

The rest join in. Ted hugging Penny. Barney hold Ellie, who is still asleep.

ALL: When you're all alone, just pick up the phone, and I'll be there to share my ice cream cone…

2 hours later

Ted and Tracy's Living Room. Marshall, Ted, and Barney reconvene. Ted is in traditional male pajamas. Marshall is in his long nightgown and a nightcap. Barney is in his suit-like pajama (recall from "Front Porch" episode).

TED: I hope you are wearing boxers underneath, Marshall. There is a lady joining us and I don't think she wants to see your dick.

BARNEY: Seriously, Marshall.

MARSHALL: I have boxers on, don't worry.

TED: I'm glad you guys are staying overnight. A big old sleepover. Seems like old times.

BARNEY: Ted, from one single dad to another, I wish you the best of luck. If you have any question or concerns, or if you need some emotional support, give me a buzz. I have 4 years experience in this area.

MARSHALL: And Ted, even though I'm a married dad, Lily and I will always be there for you. I love you like another brother.

Enter Robin in a nightgown and robe.

ROBIN: And if there are issues that you think only a mother figure can answer, call on me, and I'll me there. Penny is getting older. Relatively soon she'll have menarche and will need her first brassiere. I want to help her out before a peer gives her wrong information. She definitely should not learn about periods from Stephen King or Sissy Spacek. I may have never been a mom, but I used to be a girl myself.

TED: Thank you all. I'm so glad you all are here to support me during this difficult time. It will take some time, but I'll overcome my grief.

MARSHALL: You're were there for me when my dad died. I had to do the same. Through good times and bad times, we'll be on your side forever more. That's what friends are for. And it's okay to cry when you miss her.

ROBIN: Now turn on that screen, and lets kick off the trilogy! At least this time I don't have to hide in a spacesuit!

BARNEY, TED, AND MARSHALL: WOOHOO!

TED: But don't smash my lamps, Robin. Some of them I use to remember Tracy.

BARNEY: And Ted, I know it's a little too early to think about it but in a few years you'll meet someone new. You cannot replace Tracy, but you'll love her in a new and different way. Also, she'll love you and the kids as if they're her own.

ROBIN: You don't need to try too hard. The person may be staring you in the face when you least expect it.

[Dionne Warwick/Elton John/Stevie Wonder/Gladys Knight version of "That's What Friends Are For" plays in the background as the four friends enjoy the movies]

End of Act 7.


	8. Fantasy 2027

Fantasy 2027

_N.B. I do know that 2027 will mark the 50__th__ anniversary of the original Star Wars movie. I plan to make reference to that in the real 2027._

MacLaren's Pub. It is raining outside. Ted is seated at the usual spot, but it's a little less dense than usual. Since it's raining, and Tracy is deceased, Ted has the yellow umbrella by the edge of his seat. He is wearing his blazer with the patches on the elbows. His hair is graying a little more, and he has a trimmed graying beard. He is reading _Love in the Time of Cholera._

Enter Carl.

CARL: Hey Ted. Can I get you a drink?

TED: Just get me a Bud Light, Carl.

CARL: Draft or bottle?

TED: Bottle.

CARL: Sure thing. Hey! Isn't that Tracy's umbrella?

TED: Makes me feel like she's still with me on a rainy day.

CARL: I'll be back with the drink.

Enter a young white woman about 31 with wavy brown hair. She is wearing a trench coat. Under the trench coat she is wearing a gray blazer, white blouse, a black skirt and loafers. She is wearing rimless glasses and carrying a bookbag. Because it's raining, she is also carrying a yellow umbrella. N.B. It is not Robin, but Cobie is playing the role of this strange girl. She takes a seat at the bar and takes her coat off.

CARL: What can I get you, Ma'am?

WOMAN: [in English accent] Get me a scotch on the rocks, please.

CARL: Sure thing.

The Woman takes out a book titled "Love in the Time of Cholera". Ted turns his head around and stares at the British woman with awe.

Enter Barney, suited up like usual and carrying a black umbrella. He takes a seat with Ted and sets the umbrella by his side.

BARNEY: Hey, Ted! What's happening?

TED: Not much. How's Ellie?

BARNEY: Not bad. #31 is watching her this weekend. They are going to this mother-daughter Girl Scout slumber party.

TED: That's nice. Hey, when you see Ellie, don't start gobbling down those cookies.

BARNEY: But those peanut butter sandwich cookies are hard to resist. So, Ted, who's the chick you're scoping out?

TED: I don't know. But she loves yellow umbrellas.

BARNEY: Want me to be your wingman for old time's sake? It's been 3 years since Tracy's passing. It's time. Plus women dig the widowed man.

TED: Umm. Why not? She is kinda cute.

[they go to the bar table. Barney taps on the Woman's shoulder. The Woman Turns around. We can see it is Cobie portraying an imaginary character]

BARNEY: Hi, I'm Barney. Have you met my friend, Ted?

WOMAN: [still with British accent] No, I haven't. Hi, Ted. Nice to meet you. I'm Rebecca. Rebecca Stanton.

TED: Hi, I'm Theodore Mosby. I'll tell you my middle name later. Those bar stools are uncomfortable. Want to have a seat with me at my favourite booth?

REBECCA: Oh sure! Thank you sir. Nice to meet you, Barney.

BARNEY: See ya. I'm gonna go grab a bite to eat. You kids behave yourselves!

Ted and Rebecca grab her stuff and go to the old familiar booth. They sit at opposite sides on the table and engage in "stimulating" conversation.

TED: You accent is beautiful. Are you from England?

REBECCA: Yes, from London. I did my Ph.D. at Trinity College, Cambridge University. I used to be a professor at the London School of Economics. About 3 months ago I came here when I got tenure at the economics department at Columbia.

TED: Get out of here! I'm a professor at Columbia too.

REBECCA: No way! You're bleeding kidding me.

TED: No, seriously. I teach architecture. Also, I designed the Goliath National Bank building.

REBECCA: That's a lovely building. Hey! Is that "Love in the Time of Cholera"?

TED: It's my favorite book.

REBECCA: Mine too!

TED: You like yellow?

REBECCA: Oh, you noticed my umbrella. Me mum and dad gave it to me for my big 3-0 last year. It even has my initials engraved on the handle. "R.S" Oh, I see your initials engraved on your umbrella too! "T.M." Ted Mosby.

TED: Those are not my initials. Those are my late wife's-"Tracy McConnell".

REBECCA: Late wife? She died? Oh, I'm so sorry. [holds Ted's hand] When did she die?

TED: Three years ago at age 40 from a terminal illness.

REBECCA: Oh that is so sad and so young. What she like?

TED: She was in economics, just like you.

REBECCA: Wait a minute! Your wife was _the_ Tracy McConnell Mosby!

TED: Yes she was! [chuckling]

REBECCA: I've read her books, including her posthumous ones. She's one of the brilliant minds of the 2020s. Too bad she was taken away from us so young. I do a lot of research in finding ways to end poverty in developing nations.

TED: Wow! That's amazing. So what are your hobbies?

REBECCA: I like to play bass guitar. I was with a minor band while I was an undergraduate at Cambridge. I love to watch Star Wars. I also love Sabrina. I can't get enough of the scene where Audrey Hepburn sings "La Vie en Rose."

TED: [sighs in awe] Amazing…

REBECCA: I know this is kind of impulsive, but would you like to come up to my apartment an have a little fun? [winks at Ted]

TED: I'm kinda of tempted…but I'm not sure…

REBECCA: [with seductive British accent] I'm not wearing any underwear…

TED: You convinced me! Lets go!

5 minutes later. Ted and Rebecca enter her apartment, which just so happens to be Ted, Marshall, and Lily's old apartment.

TED: I used to live here in the 2000s and 2010s, what a coincidence!

REBECCA: Really.

TED: Brings back old memories.

REBECCA: Have a seat on the sofa love. Make yourself comfortable. You like Unicorns?

TED: I do.

[Rebecca turns on the stereo and a song by the Unicorns plays. 5 minutes later she comes back with 2 cups of tea]

REBECCA: Cheers.

TED: Cheers. Mmm this is wonderful tea.

REBECCA: Just like me mum makes it.

TED: Amazing…[kisses Rebecca and feels his way up her skirt]

REBECCA: Ooh, you are so naughty…lets take this to the bedroom.

They head into her bedroom. 30 minutes later they are lying in bed. Lets just say she does a lot of the same kinky moves that Tracy did when she was alive.

TED: Wow. You do that move so well.

REBECCA: For a 49 year old, you are so articulate. And my God, yours is so big. Also did you see how much you came?

TED: Well I hadn't had cat for 3 years. (but he didn't say 'cat') I'd really love to see you again.

REBECCA: You have you phone ready? It's 212-867-5309. Do call me. [rests her head on Ted's chest]

The next day. Marshall and Lily's apartment. Barney and Ted are seated on the couch in their suit and casual attire respectively. Barney's black umbrella and Ted's yellow umbrella are standing by the entrance.

BARNEY: Two days of rainy weather? This sucks.

TED: At least Ellie wasn't there to splash on the puddles and ruin your suit.

BARNEY: That's true. So I can't believe you called her right away! Don't you recall the 3-day rule?

TED: She's coming. She loves Star Wars. She is dying to meet you all.

Enter Marshall. He's balding but he has a mustache curled at the ends. He wears Ben Franklin glasses. He is wearing a tux and his Nobel Peace Prize medal.

MARSHALL: [in fake British accent] Come on Barney! The 1 day rule worked for Tracy. It could work for Lady Rebecca. Take it from someone who has discovered more inconvenient truths than Al Gore.

Enter Lily in a red evening dress and pregnant.

LILY: [with fake British accent] I agree with Marshall. For Ted, the 1 day rule applies. And this Rebecca sound like a wonderful girl.

MARSHALL: Most definitely. And how is baby 984 doing. [leans down to kiss Lily's belly then stands up again]

[sudden LP needle scratch}

LILY: [with regular American accent] HOLD IT! Marshall Gustav Eriksen! I am tired of you imagining me pregnant every 3 years! Goddamn it! I am 49 years old and I should be going through menopause right now! Also 3 kids is a good number. I am not some baby popping machine. I'm a human being. You better stop this pathetic fantasy right otherwise I'll leave you for someone else. And before I leave you for someone else, I'll thrown you off the Golden Gate Bridge!

MARSHALL: [grunted sigh with regular American accent] Okay, Lily Pad. I'm sorry.

[we see Lily's belly shrink back to a normal non-pregnant size]

LILY: [resuming fake British accent] Marvin, Daisy, Marshall Junior! Time to go to MOMA!

[Knock on Door]

LILY: I'll get it! [opens door]

Enter Rebecca in casual attire, trench coat, glasses, and with her yellow umbrella.

LILY: Greetings Lady Rebecca.

MARSHALL: Welcome to our humble abode.

REBECCA: Thank you. It's so pleasant to meet you!

LILY: The same to you.

REBECCA: Hello Barney. Hello, Teddy Bear.

TED: Hello Becky-kins. Let me help you with that coat.

[they kiss]

REBECCA: Waited long, love?

TED: Not long. Was the rain too bad for you?

REBECCA: Silly rabbit! I'm from London! I'm used to rainy weather. And this the perfect time to go singing in the rain!

[cut scene to outside apartment]

We see Ted, Rebecca, Lily, Marshall, and Barney dancing and singing "Singing in the Rain". Lily, Marshall and Barney are twirling black umbrellas, while Ted and Rebecca are twirling their respective yellow umbrellas.

4 minutes later…

TED: [down on one knee showing ring] Rebecca Stanton…

REBECCA: Yes!

TED: I'm not finished.

REBECCA: I'm sorry! Yes!

TED: Rebecca Stanton, will you be my wife.

REBECCA: Yes! Of course I'll marry you. I love you Theordore Mosby!

End of Act 8.


	9. 2027 (For Real)

2027 (For Real)

May 25, 2027

Ted, Marshall, Barney, Ellie, and Luke are in Ted's minivan driving along a highway. Ted is driving. Barney is in the passenger seat. Marshall is seated in a second row seat behind Ted. 10 year old Luke and 7 year old Ellie are seated in the third row, they are playing virtual Monopoly. The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" is playing on the stereo in repeat mode.

BARNEY: Good Lord! Can you please play something else?

TED: Would you rather hear "A Thoudand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton?

BARNEY: NO! Who do I look like? Terry Crews from "White Chicks"? I'm not even the right color!

TED: Then we are sticking to the Proclaimers.

BARNEY: At least lower the volume.

TED: Okay. Stereo lower volume!

[Volume lowers]

MARSHALL: Barney, thank you so much for reserving these Star Wars tickets. Marking the 50th anniversary in an IMAX theatre? That's awesome bro!

TED: I have to admit, this is the perfect way to do Trilogy Time in 2027. It is just perfect, except for the driving all the way to Brewster part.

BARNEY: Guys, this is not just any IMAX Theatre. This is the largest one in New York State. Newly opened 3 months ago. The largest dome theatre, with the latest technical advances in the picture quality, sound quality, and 3-D technology.

MARSHALL: We're gonna watch this in 3-D! LEGENDARY!

BARNEY: LEGENDARY! Also, I talked to the owner of the theatre. After paying him off a paltry sum. He agree to let us have the whole theatre to ourselves. So it's just the 5 of us…1 theatre…no other noisy rowdy viewers!

TED: LEGENDARY!

BARNEY: LEGENDARY!

MARSHALL: LEGEN…wait for it…DARY!

TED: It's too bad your kids couldn't come, Marsh.

MARSHALL: Marvin had a debate club meeting, and he has a biology exam and a history exam coming up. Bronx Science is a very demanding school. Daisy is busy prepping for the Specialized High School Admissions Test (SHSAT) so that she can end up there or at Stuyvesant next year. Marshall Junior just was not keen on coming with us.

TED: Penny couldn't make it either. She has a French test coming up. Robin is at my place tutoring her.

BARNEY: But she's gonna teach her _Canadian_ French, not the French of France! I can see her getting a 17% on the examination.

TED: Actually she got an 83% on her first exam and she is making rapid progress. With a little extra effort and some tutelage from Robin, she could get an A minus.

BARNEY: Too bad she couldn't join us. Ellie must be bored in the back seat with Luke.

MARSHALL: Actually, they look like they are having so much fun playing virtual Monopoly. She thinks of him like the big brother she never had.

TED: Actually it is something else, Marsh; whenever Barney and Ellie come over to my place, she asks "Hi, Uncle Ted! Where's Luke?" She never asks, "Where's Penny?" And when Luke shows up, he never rebels the way he does when Daisy asks, "Where's Luke?" She does not look at him like a big brother, I think she has a crush on him. In fact I remember when 4-year-old Luke held her at as a baby in 2021. When you took her and placed her in the stroller, she started to cry!

MARSHALL: Aww. Ellie has a crush! How cute!

BARNEY: No! This can't happen! She's too young to have already discovered boys!

TED: Well, she is a Stinson!

BARNEY: I don't want to hear this!

MARSHALL: But seriously, Barn, how were you when you discovered women?

_Flashback, Pre-school, September, 1980 (for real). We see a 4-year old Barney (imagine him looking like the picture from the newspaper clipping in the Doogie Howser opening credits which reads "6-year Old Score Perfect 1600 on SATs") We see him going to a 4-year old girl and kissing her on the lips_

4-YEAR OLD GIRL: Eww! He kissed me! Miss Kalmar! Barney kissed me!

MISS KALMAR: Barnabus Julius Stinson! We do not go around kissing girls on the lips!

4-YEAR OLD BARNEY: I see Mr. Spencer kissing you on the lips whenever he comes over.

MISS KALMAR: THAT'S ENOUGH! GO SIT IN THE CORNER!

_Back to real 2027_

BARNEY: I think that girl turned out to be a lesbian.

TED: I don't want to know when you found out they were different below the belt.

BARNEY: Actually it was…

MARSHALL: No! We don't care!

BARNEY: Still, he's too old for my Ellie. Three year age difference!

TED: You and Robin had a _four _year age difference!

BARNEY: And it ended in divorce!

TED: Tracy and I had a _six _year age difference and it was wonderful. If she hadn't died, we'd still be married right now! [sheds a few tears and sniffles]

BARNEY: [sarcastically] Nice car Ted! Five years…wow! So does this minivan have a cat magnet? (still not "cat")

TED: Yeah, you're sitting on it. Tracy sat on it lots of times until her final trip to the hospital. [sheds a tear or two] Robin sits on it too when we go on outings with the kids. In fact during April break she sat on it for over 14 hours when we took that wonderful trip to Montreal and Quebec City.

BARNEY: So, Ted, have to tapped Robin's cat yet? (still not cat) It's been three years since Tracy died.

LUKE: Uncle Barney, how do you know Robin has a cat? (he of course said cat)

ELLIE: Yeah, Daddy. Whenever we go to her place, we see her dogs but no cat. Did she buy a cat recently? (she also said "cat")

MARSHALL: Barney, you're a dad. You should watch your language in front of the kids. [thinking to himself] Parents with 1 kid do not count as real parents!

TED: Luke, Ellie, go back and play your game. Uncle Barney, Uncle Marshall, and I are talking big people talk.

LUKE: Okay Dad.

ELLIE: Okay, Uncle Ted.

MARSHALL: [calmly] Barney does have a point, Ted. You have never asked Robin out once! I understood the first year, because you and the kids were crying a lot and you needed time to come to terms with Tracy's death. But it has been three years now. You and the kids don't cry too much these days, so I see you are feeling better.

BARNEY: I don't mean to be crass, but the grieving time should be over now. I have met widows and widowers who have gotten back on the dating scene by this length of time after the spouse's death. You need to get back out there.

The minivan arrives at the parking lot of the Brewster IMAX. Ted parks the car and turns of the ignition.

TED: I know that you guys mean well, but I'm still not 100% over Tracy's passing. In case you have noticed, I still wear the ring.

MARSHALL: Nobody ever is 100% over a person's death. There are times I still miss my dad, and it has been 16 years his death.

TED: But have you lost a spouse? No! Lily is still alive, knock on wood.

MARSHALL: True but I can used my mom as an example. Mom pulled through, moved on and married my father-in-law/stepfather. [with face of disgust] Ugh, that means Lily and I are also stepsiblings! Reminds me of Greg and Marsha in that Brady Movie Sequel. But my point is that it only took 2 years for Mom to move on, even though she was happily married to my dad for close to 40 years.

TED: I know you are trying to help me, but I still need time. Grief cannot just be measured in a number.

BARNEY: For a grieving widower, you spend a lot of quality time with Robin and talk to her on the phone.

TED: I said it back then, and I will say it now. We're just friends. She just comforts me a lot during these tough lonely times. She helps me with the bringing up with Luke or Penny as a friend, not as potential stepmom. On the record, we're talking about someone who does not like kids and wanted a childless marriage when she married you Barney. She was not even thinking about adoption.

MARSHALL: When Penny had menarche, and later needed her first brassiere. Robin step in right away to help her out and helped her through her confusions, things you were not equipped for.

BARNEY: When Luke signed up for pee-wee hockey lesson. Robin came right away to give him pointers. She may have been cold and aloof to kids during the 2000s and 2010s, but she is changing.

TED: If you still like her so much, Barn, then why don't you remarry her?

BARNEY: We don't have those same mutual feelings for each other anymore. I'm not good at romantic commitments. Also, #31 is still alive, and she also does a wonderful job of raising Ellie in certain aspects that I'm not so great at. I don't want to confuse Ellie at this point with a stepmom that she may not click with, even if she is as nice as Robin.

MARSHALL: There is something I need to tell you about that trip you took to Quebec with Robin and the kids. Robin was very sad near the end of that trip.

TED: Everyone gets sad near the end of a good trip. Whenever I return from a trip to Europe, I get a little bummed out. Robin just felt sad because Canada is her home and native land.

MARSHALL: No! First of all, she grew up in British Columbia, not Quebec. That's why her native tongue is English, not French (though she speaks it fluently).

BARNEY: [sarcastically] _Canadian _French!

MARSHALL: Not the point, Barney! Why did you invite her on your trip? You didn't need to take her.

TED: Because she is one of my best friends. I did not want her to be alone. She speaks French fluently, so I thought she'd be an great interpreter, and she was. I thought a trip to Canada may perk up her spirits and make her feel less lonely. Plus she's a seasoned traveler, and she can show us the key sites in an organized fashion, which she did. We had a great time. Didn't you see the pictures on the social network?

MARSHALL: Those pictures are great. I could see you all laughing and smiling. In fact I hadn't seen you smile that much since Tracy passed away. But…the pictures we never saw were taken at the hotel at night.

TED: We took separate rooms. Luke and I in one room. Penny and Robin in the other. Nothing happened.

MARSHALL: Exactly. Nothing happened. Robin and Penny told Lily and me that she was crying herself to sleep.

_Flashback April 23, 2027. Robin and Penny's hotel room. Robin is lying in her bed. 12-year old Penny kisses her on the cheek._

PENNY: Goodnight, Aunt Robin. [kisses her cheek]

Robin breaks into tears.

PENNY: What's the matter? Why are you so sad?

ROBIN: [crying] It's okay sweetheart. I'm just a little lonely. I'll be okay in a minute.

_Back to Minivan scene_

MARSHALL: She was hoping that you make the moves on her.

BARNEY: You did not get to first base? What is wrong with you? I'm her ex-husband, and I'm disappointed in you.

MARSHALL: Oh, and those tears of gratitude as you called them on the drive back to New York, were actually tears of sadness and loneliness. She wanted to spend more time with you.

TED: Robin always seems content being a cougar and dating people ½ her age.

MARSHALL: Those twenty-somethings are all just breaking her heart. Eventually, everyone of them is dumping her for someone "young and fertile like the Napa Valley". Look at Ashton Kutcher in the 2000s and 2010s. He was married to Demi, but then he divorced her and hooked up with his co-star from That 70s Show.

BARNEY: I kept telling her she should be with someone closer to her own age. Deep in her heart she wants to be with you. And you guy only have a 2 year age gap. Plus she'll understand your relationship with Tracy better than some random woman you'll meet at MacLaren's. You're perfect for each other. I'm telling you as a friend. Single life does not suit you, irregardless of whether it's due to divorce or death.

TED: I know you guys think I should be with Robin. And I do care for her a lot. I'd still go to the ends of the earth to make her happy. However, I still cry for Tracy and night every now and then. So it's not the right time, and it's not fair to Tracy. Let's get out of the car a see the trilogy before it gets too late. C'mon kids.

[the party exits the minivan]

MARSHALL: Ted. [puts right hand on Ted's left shoulder] I know how much you miss Tracy. I really do. I do believe that 2030 is going to be a lot better, but if you do not finish grieving by then, well I don't know…Look, I don't want to spoil the viewing of the 50th anniversary edition of this great trilogy, but you should think about it.

TED: [in cheery mood] Okay, kiddos! Ready to see the trilogy in IMAX?

ELLIE: It's gonna be legen…wait for it…dary!

End of Act 9


	10. Fantasy 2030

Fantasy 2030

_N.B. It's basically only Marshall imagining the whole thing. Similar to how in a nutshell, it was basically only Ted imagining 2015 on the show._

Marshall , Lily, and Barney are seated on a bench. All three are crying. Oh and Marshall is not sporting a moustache

BARNEY: I can't believe it finally happened. No! I'm not crying!

LILY: [crying] They finally got married…I never thought this day would happen. [blows nose with handkerchief]

MARSHALL: [sobbing] Oh my God! They did it! They actually did it!

We zoom over to the altar where we see the backs of a bride and a groom, but we do not see their faces. The bride's brown hair, which is graying a little bit shows.

REVEREND: By the power invested in me by God and by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

The bride and groom show their faces. The groom is not Ted, but a 26-year old ruffian with an unshaved face a shaved head, a nose ring, and a knife tattoo on his neck. Robin's hair is down. She has a blackeye on the right hand side, bilateral check bruises, and her left arm is in a cast.

We zoom out and see that the groom's side has a bunch of punks, ex-convicts, and other lowlifes of ill-repute. The bride's side only has Marshall, Lily, and Barney

We zoom back to Lily, Marshall, and Barney.

MARSHALL: [still sobbing] Oh, Ted! Why wouldn't you listen to me in 2027?

LILY: I kept telling her not to marry this douchebag. She would not listen.

BARNEY: Katie tried to convince her so many times. Her words just fell on deaf ears. Genevieve refused to attend.

LILY: Which mother misses her own daughter's wedding, besides a dead one?

MARSHALL: We now know the answer to that question, Lily. Robin Sr. called me and said he'd have preferred Ted as a son-in-law anyday over this butt-reaming a—hole.

BARNEY: He himself refused to come to this wedding.

MARSHALL: I should have disobeyed Robin and objected, when the priest said: "If there is any just cause to why these two should not wed, speak now or forever hold your peace." [sobs]

BARNEY: We should go cheer Ted up with a little Trilogy Time.

LILY: Good idea. Let's go.

[Cut to Ted's house]

Marshall presses doorbell. No answer. He presses again. Luke answers door.

MARSHALL: Hey, Lukie boy. Is you dad home?

LUKE: [sobbing] Uncle Marshall, Dad's dead!

MARSHALL: WHAT?!

LUKE: It just happened 5 minutes ago!

LILY: Oh no!

BARNEY: [sobbing] No! This can't happen!

They run to Ted's bedroom. Penny is sitting on the floor her face buried in her arms crying. Lily goes over to comfort her.

[cut scene to Ted's bedroom. We see pictures of Ted, Tracy, and the kids on the wall, including wedding photos. But what really catches our attention is that Ted is lying dead on the bed with a laser sword through his belly]

MARSHALL: [sobbing] Oh my God! No!

BARNEY: [sobbing] This can't be happening…[vomits]

Marshall finds a note on Ted's nightstand. He picks it up and reads it.

TED'S VOICE: To Whom it May Concern, October 4, 2024 was the worst day of my life. This is my second worst day of my life. I lost the two most important women in my life. The first one I lost to a fatal disease. The second one I lost through procrastination. Marshall was right, I should have opened my heart to you, Robin, during our numerous outings and family trips after Tracy died. If I cannot live without my Tracy or my Robin, I should not live at. Goodbye Penelope. Goodbye Lucas. I will always love you and I will continue to keep an eye on you from heaven. Marshall, Lily, Barney, I want you guys to help raise my kids. Robin, I want you to know that I love, and I will always love you. I loved you ever since I laid eyes on you back on that beautiful night in September of 2005. Goodbye everybody, until we meet in heaven. Theodore Evelyn Mosby.

BARNEY: I'm going to call 911.

MARSHALL: [holding Ted] Ted, you dumb Buckeye. You were my best friend. We could talked this over and had a Robintervention. Why did you do this? Why? [sobs on Teds torso]

[cut scene to outside house] Marshall, Lilly, Barney, Penny, and Luke hold each others' hands in tears while Ted's covered body is place into the back of an ambulance.

LILY: Luke, Penny, Uncle Marshall, Uncle Barney, and I will take good care of you. Things will be allright.

[Barney's phone rings]

BARNEY: Hello? Uh huh? Uh huh? Oh God, no! [Sobs]

MARSHALL: Barney, what's the matter?

BARNEY: That was the New York City Police Department…Robin was murdered.

LILY: Oh no! Two deaths in one day! [sobs]

The groups embraces each other and cries.

Cut scene to cemetery. The surviving gang and the offspring place flowers on Ted's and Robin's graves. All are in tears and all are dressed in black. We see the following epitaphs:

TRACY McCONNELL MOSBY

SEPTEMBER 19, 1984-OCTOBER 4, 2024

BELOVED WIFE, MOTHER, FRIEND

MAY SHE REST IN PEACE

GONE TOO SOON BUT ALWAYS THERE IN OUR HEARTS

THEODORE EVELYN MOSBY

APRIL 25, 1978-SEPTEMBER 29, 2030

BELOVED HUSBAND, FATHER, FRIEND

MAY HE REST IN PEACE

MAY GOD BLESS HIM WITH TRUE LOVE IN HEAVEN

ROBIN CHARLES SCHERBATSKY, JR.

JULY 23, 1980-SEPTEMBER 29, 2030

BELOVED WIFE, AUNT, FRIEND

MAY SHE REST IN PEACE

MAY SHE NEVER BE ALONE IN HEAVEN

End of Act 10.


	11. 2030 (For Real)

2030 For Real

Barney's bachelor pad. Well…its not bachelor pad in the true sense these days, since his daughter lives there. Since 2020, he has been living in a 3 bedroom apartment in the same building. One bedroom for himself, one for Ellie, and one for his suits, of course. The apartment is still decorated to Barney's tastes…well not entirely. Ellie's room is as girly as girly can be (pink curtains, dollhouses, Barbie paraphernalia, pink linens, etc)

September 27, 2030. Barney's living room (which is still decorated the way we know it; the stormtrooper outfit is still there). Ted is sitting on the couch and his hair is gray. (On the finale to me, he looked like Dan Rather in the late 1980s) He is smiling with a big glare in his eyes, like Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Twins" after doing Kelly Preston.

TED: Hey Barn, could you get me a Budweiser?

Enter Barney, suited up like usual. His hair is also silver-gray.

BARNEY: Here you go Ted…[notices Ted's face] whoa! Someone got lucky today… c'mon! Give me all the details!

TED: [coyly, still smilling like Arnold in "Twins"] I'm not sure if I should…

BARNEY: Don't worry…Ellie is at a slumber party. She won't be back until Sunday. No need to censor yourself…

[buzzing sound]

COMPUTERIZED MALE: Visitor here to see you. Name: Marshall Gustav Eriksen. Date of Birth: February 4, 1978. Social Security: 476…

BARNEY: Okay let him up.

Enter Marshall, bald, no moustache

MARSHALL: Hey, guys, sorry I'm late for Trilogy Time. I had this meeting with the publisher that went overtime…[sees Ted's glare]. Oh my God! You lost your virginity today!

TED: I lost my virginity in the 1990s!

MARSHALL: Trust me, I'm a state supreme court judge. According to the New York statute of limitations, if you haven't had sex for 5 years, you are a virgin again. And let's see, you stopped having sex in 2024 after Tracy passed away and this is 2030. So as of 2029 you were a virgin…until today, that is.

BARNEY: So come on! Let's hear all the details!

TED: [laughing] Wouldn't you rather like to hear how Marshall's book about the environment is coming along? Al Gore, Marshall is gonna put you to shame!

MARSHALL: I want to hear more about Ted too. It's only once that a person loses his virginity… twice in Ted's case.

BARNEY: Details, details...

TED: For God's sake, this is your ex-wife we're talking about here!

BARNEY AND MARSHALL: [in unison] Details, details…

TED: [sighing gruntingly] Okay, here it goes…

15 minutes later

MARSHALL: Wow! That is amazing!

TED: If she knew those moves back in 2006, maybe we'd have stayed together!

BARNEY: Hey! I taught her some of those moves when I was married to her!

MARSHALL: Could you teach me some of those, Barney? Lily and I love to try out new techniques, and we have finished reading the Kama Sutra from A to Z.

TED: But the thing she loved the most about me is little Ted today. She says it's the biggest she has ever seen!

BARNEY: She said that to me too when we were married! Women say that to everyone guy they sleep with.

TED: She told me mine was bigger than Gael's back in 2007!

BARNEY: Bet she didn't tell that to Gael!

TED: You wanna start?

MARSHALL: Let's go measure them. Barney, do you still have a hidden stash of playboy magazines?

BARNEY: Yes and some electronic measuring devices. Let's find out.

10 minutes.

MARSHALL: Okay, here are the results. I got 8.5 inches…not surprising, since Scandinavians are well endowed. Ted, you got 6.6 inches.

BARNEY: Dude! That is average!

MARSHALL: Barney, you got 6.2!

BARNEY: OMG, I'm inadequate…I'm inadequate…it's not legendary…

TED: Barn, it's not the size that matters. It's how you use it. That's what makes it legendary. Okay, let's change the topic; this is getting a little too disturbing for even Barney!

BARNEY: It's not legendary…it's average…

TED: So, Marshall, how's Marv doing at Wesleyan?

MARSHALL: It was a little bit of a rough start, but he's finally adjusted. He decided to be a history major and he's going pre-law. Hopefully, he'll follow in my footsteps and go to Columbia Law.

BARNEY: Great! How is Stuyvesant treating Daisy?

MARSHALL: Making the High Honor Roll all the time…nailed the PSATs last year, should nail it again this year and become a National Merit Scholar. And Marshall Junior is prepping to the admissions test. Hopefully we'll see him at Bronx or Stuyvesant soon.

TED: I wish them all the best.

BARNEY: Ted, Penny is only one year junior to Daisy. How is high school treating her?

TED: She's doing pretty good too. Making honor roll all the time too. She wants to go into economics and journalism, just like Tracy and Robin. She has her eyes set on going to this combined 5-year program at Columbia where she can get her bachelors in econ, then get a Masters from the Journalism school. Robin is trying to get her an internship at WWN.

MARSHALL: Hope Sandy Rivers doesn't make a pass at her.

TED: I've told Robin and Patrice to kick him in the nads if such a thing happens.

BARNEY: Bet his is smaller than mine. Speaking of kids, Ellie is doing well in the 5th grade. Actually she got the lead part in the school play which will happen in December, just before Christmas break. She invited all of you and Robin to show up. She especially want Luke to show up for some reason.

MARSHALL: [grinning and chuckling] She still has a crush on him…how cute!

BARNEY: No she doesn't! Don't say that!

TED: Barney, she's growing up. In 3 years, she's going to be asked out on dates. You cannot be the only man in her life. When was the last time you dated or even had a one night stand?

BARNEY: Well, let's see… 20?[counting fingers]

MARSHALL: Oh my god! You're a virgin!

BARNEY: No! It can't be! You're talking to the Playbook I and II author!

TED: Sorry! Statute of Limitations makes no exceptions!

MARSHALL: You need to get back on the dating seen soon. The worst thing in life is to be alone.

TED: Robin and I can attest to that.

MARSHALL: Speaking of which, when are you going to marry Robin, Ted? Time is ticking!

TED: Cool it bro! We've only been dating for a week! I get enough pressure from the kids! They're already pissed at me for boring them with the story of how I met Tracy. Robin and I want to take it a little slowly this time.

BARNEY: Seriously, how slow?

TED: I want to give it two years, at least.

MARSHALL: Please don't turn it into a five year engagement! I don't want to have to conduct another "Robintervention". The one we did last week to convince you to open your heart to her was more than enough.

TED: I won't but we're both a little scared. I still have the kids to think about. Though they've given me their blessing, I gotta make sure they end up in good colleges. I know they'll get legacy points at Wesleyan because of me, and at Columbia because of Tracy and my professorship, but that's not a guarantee.

MARSHALL: Robin can help out big time. She loves your kids like they're her own. You know she's very ambitious and self-driven. She holds degrees from McGill and the University of British Columbia, in case you don't remember. Her standards are very high.

BARNEY: But those are not real schools. Those are _Canadian_ schools.

MARSHALL: Dude! I went to Columbia! I am aware of the top universities in the world. Robin's alma maters are on par with the Ivy Leagues! Even if Penny ended up going to one of those places, it'd be a very good thing.

BARNEY: Of course! If Ted doesn't mind his own daughter saying "aboot", "sohrry", and "leftnant".

TED: Actually, that's not a bad idea.

BARNEY: It's ridonkulous.

MARSHALL: Ted, the concern is not about your kids. Something else is worrying you.

TED: First of all we're not dating as twenty-somethings. We're dating as 52 and 50 year olds. I want her to be okay with the fact that occasionally, I will be missing her. I don't want her to get mad at me for that. Plus, I need to make sure I can put up with empty cartons in the fridge.

MARSHALL: Those are trifles! Something else is worrying you!

TED: Robin already failed at a marriage once.

BARNEY: It wasn't a failure! It was a successful marriage that only lasted 3 years!

TED: I want a successful marriage that lasts until the 2060s when we're old and on our deathbeds. Plus, I was her first true friend when she moved to this country. I don't want a divorce to ruin it. It almost ruined her friendship with Barney.

BARNEY: Robin and I still pal around! Whenever Ellie and I go for Laser tag, Robin is the first to join us. You know whenever she invites us to dinner, a foreign movie, a musical, or Robots v. Wrestlers, she also invites me. We still have a great time together. We just don't have the sexual chemistry anymore.

MARSHALL: We're not rushing you into marriage tomorrow. You and Robin should take it slow. But if you wait too long, she could leave you. I want to see that you have popped the question by Christmas of next year. Then I want to see you two tie the knot by spring of the following year. No delays, and no French castles. That is the McCosby fantasy, not the Mobatsky fantasy.

TED: Okay, but it seems kind of rushed.

MARSHALL: Trust me, the timing is perfect.

TED: As for you, Marshall, keep pushing it with those publications. In 3 years I want to see you and Lily take a fun-filled trip to Oslo. Tracy's death should have been more of a wake-up call for you, really. Also, you keep talking about growing a moustache, but you always procrastinate. And now you are bald!

BARNEY: Yeah, Marsh, procrastination is like masturbation. It feels great until you realized you just fudged yourself. (he didn't say 'fudge')

MARSHALL: Dude, research is painstakingly slow. Many don't get it until they are in their 70s. Plus Lilly will never like my moustache.

TED: Not an excuse! Gore was 59. As for you Barney, I want to see you back on the dating scene in 3 years. As for the moustache, don't be cat-whipped! In 2038, you may see Ellie less and less if she does not stay in New York for college.

BARNEY: Okay, but I'm not good at romantic commitment.

MARSHALL: If we take each other's advice, 2033 will be awesome.

BARNEY, TED, MARSHALL: [thinking voices in unison] What does he know?

BARNEY: Okay, TV, turn on Star Wars…

[End of Act 11]


	12. Fantasy 2033

Fantasy 2033

_The reader may not get this act so here is the situation behind this fantasy. Ted, Barney, and Marshall are having some fears and doubts about taking each others advice. Ted is worried what could happen if he marries Robin too soon, especially when Penny is college bound. Marshall has kept putting off growing a mustache, and is unrealistically worried about the consequences of trying to grow one by 2033. Barney is afraid that if he starts dating, he'll merely return to his womanizing ways, but this time with some dire consequences. _

Ted (and now also Robin's) living room, Westchester. April 1, 2033

ROBIN: I rue the day I married you!

TED: Ever since I married you, my life has been miserable! I was a lot happier when I was a grief-stricken widower!

ROBIN: Everyday, it's "Tracy this" and "Tracy that"!

TED: At least Tracy never left empty milk cartons in the fridge!

ROBIN: I do that to remind myself that we need to buy more milk!

TED: That is the dumbest thing I ever heard in my entire life! Hey! The olive jar is empty! Let's just leave in the fridge. Hey! The egg box, is empty, let's just leave it in the fridge!

ROBIN: I will literally kill you!

TED: I'm not trembling! Because you mean figuratively.

ROBIN: Goddamn you and your correcting me all the time!

Enter Penny crying

TED: Penny, darling, what's the matter?

PENNY: [crying] Literally every college rejected me!

TED: You mean figuratively.

PENNY: Every college! Even Columbia and Wesleyan, where I was supposed to have legacy points because of you and Mom! [continues crying]

TED: Oh, Penny, I'm so sorry. [hugs her]

ROBIN: Penny, I'm sorry too! [hugs her, Penny pushes her away]

PENNY: This is all _your _fault, you bastard Grinch! (still not 'Grinch') If you hadn't been so gung ho on accompanying me on my college visits and claiming how much better the Canadian higher education is in comparison to the US, those places would have realized my interested in their school and taken me.

ROBIN: Maybe you're just too average! I worked very hard to get into McGill back in the late 1990s.

PENNY: Me? Lazy? I had superior SAT scores! I made the high honor roll all the time! I was a National Merit Scholar! I interned to two years at your network. And what did I get in return? Nothing!

ROBIN: Well, Penny, you just have to suck it up!

PENNY: Mom would have never said that!

ROBIN: Well, I'm not your mom! I NEVER WANTED TO BE A MOTHER! KIDS SHOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD!

PENNY: I wish it had been _you _who had died 9 year ago! [runs to her room crying]

TED: See what you did! You made my daughter cry! You ruined her life! Now she'll never become a journalist and economist! Tracy and I planned her college future in advance before her death and you sabotaged everything!

Enter Marshall and Lily in casual attire. Marshall is completely bald and he has a mustache that is patchy and just plan ugly.

MARSHALL: Great advice! Grow a mustache! See how ugly I look. Lily refuses to sleep with me or even kiss me! The state supreme court is considering removing me from the bench because of my appearance! Publishers are refusing to publish my writings…[sobbing] and now I'll never get the Nobel Peace Prize! This is all your fault, Ted!

LILY: Oh by the way, Marshall, I have decided to divorce you!

MARSHALL: Because of my moustache?

LILY: No, because of your stupidity, naivete, and willingness to listen to this douchebag architect! If this nonsense hadn't happened, Daisy would have ended up at Wesleyan, Columbia, or some other top school. How she has to settle for LaGuardia Community College! [storms out] Oh, btw, the lawyer I hired graduated summa cum laude from Yale Law and got an even higher score than you on the bar.

MARSHALL: This is all your fault Ted!

Enter Barney. He is heading toward front door with random young hot chick.

BARNEY: Guys, I want you to meet Vanessa. You'll be seeing a lot more of her…WHAZAA!

TED: I hope you didn't use Penny's or Luke's room.

BARNEY: Of course not! That'd be inhumane. I used your bedroom.

TED and ROBIN: [together in unison, grinding teeth] WHAT!

BARNEY: It was perfect. I did her while enjoying while enjoying Robin's scents, making it even more pleasurable. And I'm planning a new perfume, Robin 604, patent pending. I just need samples of your scent glands, Scherbatsky.

ROBIN: You're sick!

TED: Ugh! I'm gonna have to sleep in the guest room tonight!

ROBIN: Like hell you are! I'M gonna sleep in that guest room!

TED: You're used to sleeping in the same bed as him, you slutty Canuck Grinch!

ROBIN: You struck an all time low with me, and I've had it! I want a divorce!

TED: I _knew _we had something in common! [pulls a packet of papers] Here, sign these!

ROBIN: Oh yeah! This is gonna cost you…plenty! And I'm gonna get this house too!

TED: The house I worked hard to build? I don't remember you getting splinters in those manicured journalist hand…no…it was me! All I remember was you laugh at me.

ROBIN: I'm outta here. And when this is over, I'll marry Sandy Rivers! Oh, and by the way, yours is not the biggest I'm ever had! It was that Indian shrink, Kevin's! [exits house; we hear the sound of a car engine igniting, then the car driving away]

TED: [to Marshall] It is your brilliant idea to speed up the marriage, etc. Forget that Robin and I were perfectly happy taking it slow! You ruined my life!

MARSHALL: Well it was your brilliant idea to have me finally grow a mustache! Don't tell me you did not ruin my life, because you perfectly did!

BARNEY: Well, both of you ruined _my _life! It was your brilliant idea that I should get back on the dating scene, when you both know I am bad at committing to one woman romantically!

TED: You seemed happy just a few minutes ago.

BARNEY: As soon as #31 found out I was back on the womanizing scene, she a got a lawyer, went to court, and now I lost all custody of my beautiful, precious Ellie. She was my entire life…[begins to sob] and now I'll never see her again! This is all your fault!

Enter Luke.

LUKE: Dad, thanks a lot!

TED: What is it now?

LUKE: I heard how Barney lost custody of Ellie. Aunt 31 will not let me over either. [sobbing] I was going to marry her one day!Now I'll never be able to even date her! This is all your fault!

The gang continues to fight, cry, and yell.

End of Act 12


	13. 2033 (For Real)

2033 (For Real)

April 3, 2033. The Grand Ballroom, Plaza Hotel. Several big tables are scattered around. At the head table are seated Ted, Robin, Luke, Penny, Marshall, Lily, Marshall Jr., Barney, and Ellie. The males are all in tuxedos or black suits. The females are all in evening ballroom gowns. Marshall has hair again (though it is partially graying) after 13 years and he finally has his mustache for real. He is also wearing his Nobel Peace Prize medal.

BARNEY: I can't believe he's going all out just for the first anniversary. I didn't go all out for mine when I was married to her.

MARSHALL: He did the same thing for Tracy in 2021, so he wanted to be fair to Robin. Besides, it's typical of him to go all out for Robin, from recovering a locket to setting up a Christmas light greeting using AC/DC (no pun intended). Cut him some slack, they're in love!

TED: [standing up, raising a glass, we see a new wedding ring on his finger]: I want to make a toast. To Barney, Lily, and Marshall for their continuing friendship and support. To my kids, Penelope and Lucas, for their continuing love and encouragement. To Tracy, wherever she is, who always told me to move forward and not get stuck in my stories. Without their wisdom and back up, I would have never reunited with the most wonderful woman I ever met, Robin Charles Scherbatsky Mosby. Our relationship is not just 1 year as husband and wife. It is a friendship that has spanned 28 years. We saw each other through the best of times and the worst of times. From job setbacks, to relationship issues, to personal setbacks, we saw each other through thick and thin. On a personal note, she was the true comfort in my soul after Tracy passed away. In what was the worst of times, she stepped in and helped right away. I could not have asked for a better friend, and throughout the course of time she has been a great girlfriend, aunt, stepmother, and wife. Robin Charles Scherbatsky Mosby, I love your with all my heart.

ALL: Cheers!

ROBIN: [with tears in her eyes] Oh, Ted. [standing up, we see wedding ring on her left finger as she raises glass; she is also wearing her locket] When I came to this country 28 years ago, I was very lonely and I knew no one in New York. Ted was the first one to go out of his way to make me feel welcome in a strange sort of way. I can't believe he stole a blue French horn in 2005 and then again in 2030. (Actually, he bought it in 2030.) But it was the beginning of a series of going to ends of the earth to make me happy. Because of him, I ended up with 3 other best friends, Lily, Marshall, and Barney. They all helped me to open up and come out of my shell. We had our ups and downs, and there were time. But in the end, I couldn't ask for a better best friend. Chemistry and time have come together. I love you Theodore Evelyn Mosby. Happy 1st anniversary…T-Mose! Cheers. [Ted and Robin kiss]

Everyone claps.

LILY: Aww, those were such beautiful speeches!

MARSHALL, Jr.: Uncle Ted and Aunt Robin look so great together.

MARSHALL: They sure do, son.

BARNEY: Hmm…

ELLIE: Come on dad, be nice!

BARNEY: If I was going to lose Robin to someone else, I'm glad it was Ted. They do look legen…wait for it…

ELLIE: …dary!

LUKE: Great speeches, guys.

PENNY: Spectacular. I love you, Bus Lady. Thank you for being a great stepmom (hugs her).

ROBIN: I love you too, Penny. Never call me that again.

PENNY: If it wasn't for that externship, I wouldn't have gotten early acceptance into the combined Journalism and Economic Program at Columbia.

ROBIN: You're my stepdaughter! I'd do anything for you.

BARNEY: [tugging on Marshall's hair and mustache] Wow, it's very natural!

MARSHALL: Medical technology has come a long way! Actually, I have to thank Stella for this job. She has been on the cutting edge of hair and mustache transplant, since dermatology is her field. Also Lily and I got spend a romantic week in LA.

BARNEY: Dude I'd be careful about wearing that Peace Prize medal. What if your legs get paralyzed on the subway and two thugs approach you?

TED: Hey, Marsh, that hair looks great on you. And the mustache looks great. Stella really did a good job with the transplant. At least you and Lily got a good break from the winter weather.

MARSHALL: Most certainly.

TED: Thank you for pushing me to pop the question when you did. I would have never realized how much she loves me. We are totally inseparable, kind of like you and Lily. Oh, btw how's Weseylan treating Marv? How's Daisy enjoying her first year at UPenn?

MARSHALL: Good for both. Marv is all prepped to go to Columbia Law, but he's throwing an application to Harvard Law. His girlfriend wants to go to MIT to pursue her Ph.D. in engineering, and he wants to follow her to Boston. You're lucky that Penny is staying in New York. At least you get to see her on the campus everyday.

TED: Maybe Marshall Jr. will stay in New York after he graduates Bronx Science.

MARSHALL: Yeah, maybe.

TED: I kind of want the same for Luke too, but why tempt fate?

ROBIN: Hey Barn, hey Ellie. Glad you guys could make it.

BARNEY: We're family! We wouldn't miss this for the world.

ROBIN: Look at how she's grown.

BARNEY: She's doing an end of the year school play and she wants you guys to attend.

ELLIE: Please, Aunt Robin, it'll be legen…wait for it…dary!

ROBIN: Sure, sweetheart. [to Marshall] Hey Marsh, that hair transplant and mustache look great. Stella really did a good job.

MARSHALL: Thanks, Robin.

[Bryan Adams' "Heaven" is playing in the background]

ROBIN: Ted, that our song! Let's dance.

TED: Okay RoRo!

ROBIN: I hate nicknames!

[they dance]

MARSHALL: [to Lily] Lily, may I have this dance?

LILY: Most definitely.

ELLIE: Dad I'll be right back.

BARNEY: Okay. Don't take to long.

3 minutes later. Enter Ellie with Quinn.

QUINN: Your best friend's girl?

BARNEY: She used to be mine.

ELLIE: Dad, have you met Quinn?

BARNEY: A long time ago. Years before you were born.

ELLIE: Where did you two meet?

BARNEY, ELLIE: [hesitating] Well…you see…umm…

ELLIE: Well come on, Dad. Don't you want to ask your old friend for a dance?

BARNEY: Quinn, may I have this dance?

QUINN: Of course, come on!

[they dance]

LUKE: Ellie, may I have this dance?

ELLIE: I thought you'd never ask.

[they dance]

3 hours later…

Robin, Lily, and Quinn are the only ones sitting in the ballroom.

LILY: That was one great party, Robin.

QUINN: He sure goes all the way out for you!

ROBIN: It's crazy…but adorable. [to Quinn] So Quinn, you think you and Barney will get back together?

QUINN: [chuckles] We just had a couple of dances tonight, but I gave him my new number.

LILY: It'd great to see you and Barney get back together.

QUINN: I just want to take it slow. It has been kinda tough since Dave died. And I have my son, Freddie, to think about too.

ROBIN: Well good luck to you. Lets get the guys and retire…hey! Where are the guys, and the kids?

QUINN: Funny, I haven't seen them for about 20 minutes.

ROBIN: Wait a minute! This is 2033…and 33 is divisible by 3…I think I know where they are!

LILY: [grinding teeth] They are dead meat!

Cut scene to a conference hall. Marshall Jr. is sleeping in one chair. Farther across the room, we see Penny sleeping in another chair. Somewhere in the middle we see Luke and Ellie sleeping in adjacent chairs holding hands. Ellie's head is resting on Luke's shoulder. At the front of the conference room is an 800 inch TV wall.

MARSHALL: Wow this is even bigger than Barney's TV wall!

TED: Perfect for Trilogy Time!

BARNEY: It's gonna be legendary! [pauses] Nah, the 2027 IMAX experience in Brewster tops it all, so far.

MARSHALL: So, Barney, you think you and Quinn are gonna get back together?

BARNEY: Maybe. I have her number, so I'll give her a buzz tomorrow.

TED: What happened to your rule about waiting 3 days?

BARNEY: I've decided, what the hell.

MARSHALL: You've been a single dad for 13 years, it's time.

BARNEY: We're gonna take it slow and no tricks or plays. If I do a magic trick, it'll just be for entertainment. Her husband died four years ago and she has a son to think about also, so she wants to take it slow also.

TED: Good call. Be patient with her whenever she brings up her husband. As an 8-year widower, whose late wife herself lost a fiancé, I can give you some sound advice if you ever need any.

BARNEY: Thanks, Ted.

TED: I'm glad we took each others' advice 3 years ago.

MARSHALL: We're best friends! We look out for each other! That's our job.

BARNEY: May this Trilogy Time tradition never die until we do!

TED: We will continue the tradition when we reunite in heaven!

Robin, Lily, and Quinn storm in.

ROBIN: Ah ha! Theodore Evelyn Mosby!

LILY: Marshall Gustav Eriksen!

QUINN: Barnabus Julius Stinson!

ROBIN: The nerve of you, watching Star Wars on our 1st anniversary! How childish can you get?

TED: It's tradition!

LILY: What kind of judge watches Star Wars, especially at 55?

QUINN: Seriously, Barn. You have not grown up!

ROBIN: What a bunch of childen! Ted! I want a divorce!

TED: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Don't leave me!

LILY: I want a divorce too!

MARSHALL: NO! I can't bear the though of being single! I hated it the first time!

QUINN: Don't call me, Barney!

BARNEY: Well, I had a lousy time with you tonight!

TED: [prostrating in front of Robin and wrapping his arms around her legs] Please, forgive me! I'll do anything!

ROBIN: Okay, under one condition. You 3 do not watch the Star Wars trilogy…

TED: If none of us watch it, then the dark side will win…

ROBIN: …not without us! We just wanted to spend some quality time with our spouses.

QUINN: And potential future significant other.

LILY: So what are you waiting for? Start the first film!

MARSHALL: Not just yet! You just fell into our trap.

ROBIN, LILY, QUINN: What?

MARSHALL: Tell them Barney.

BARNEY: When Ted reserved this place for your anniversary party, Marshall and I accompanied him. I came across this conference hall. I saw the big wall TV, and decided that we also reserved this room to do Trilogy Time this year. Then Ted came up with an idea that we also should hold a surprise performance for Robin and Lily after the party. Marshall suggested we sneak off to the conference room when you girls were not looking, so that you'll start wondering where we are. Ted, knew that as a journalist, Robin is on top of it when it comes to history and numbers. She'd realize it was trilogy time and try to find the one place the hotel where we were capable of carrying out the tradition and making it legen…wait for it…dary. And now here you are. Marshall, bring forth the performers!

MARSHALL: Marshalls, Teds, Barneys!

Enter Barneys, Marshalls and Teds from every three years starting in 2000. Only we don't see 2000 Barney, since he did not meet Marshall and Ted until 2001.

TED: Happy anniversary, Robin.

ROBIN: Happy anniversary, Ted. [they kiss]

MARSHALL: I love you Lilypad.

LILY: I love you Marshmallow. [they kiss]

BARNEY: I love you, Karma.

QUINN: [chuckles] Let's take it slow.

The Barneys, Marshalls, and Teds gather together. They synced their pitches to D major

BARNEY: Okay fellows. We've been practicing for 33 years. Hope you got your parts down. 1, 2, a 1-2-3-4…

2033 MARSHALL: Dum dum dum

ALL: Woh, oh, oh oh…

2033 MARSHALL: The longest…

ALL: For the longest time…

ALL BARNEYS: Longest time!

ALL: Who, oh, oh, for the longest…

2033 TED: If you said goodbye to me tonight

2033 BARNEY: Ooh wee ooh ooh

2033 MARSHALL: There would still be music left to write

PAST MARSHALLS: Ah ah ah

2033 TED: What else could I do?

2033 BARNEY: I'm so inspired by you

ALL TEDS, MARSHALLS, and BARNEYS: [in harmony] That hasn't happened for the longest time!

_**THE END**_

EPILOGUE

In the words of Mark Twain, so endeth this chronicle. Since I speculate the later years would be more about the futures of their kids, it should end here. One may have already sensed that as 2033 got closer, since the older kids have already started heading off to college and having their wacky misadventures and milestones as young adults. The fab five did continue to have occasional milestones throughout the years, but they got less frequent as they got older. But they had very happy lives together, and they continued and maintained the Trilogy Time tradition until their deaths at different times during the 2060s. When they all reunited in heaven, they continued the tradition for all eternity.


End file.
